i want to do something that no one believes that i can do. i want to make something beautiful so that only i know the real meaning. i want to be inspired by everything around me. i want to slow life down so that i dont miss a thing. i want to move to a country where white is a minority.

i feel like my life is not challenging enough and that to many things are just given to me. i didnt grow up with everything but i grew up with enough. i want to know what its like to be able to joke about how hard things are like life is great with nothing. i want to feel pain for someone so that i can create a masterpiece even though it would be an exploitation of someones suffering. i want to fully know spanish one day so that i can say i learned something. i need something more that my working class whiteness. its so oppressing.

i dont think that many would understand the need for struggle, the need for something other than normal to happen. but i need it. in high school i had what i needed to feel alive, and im losing that. i need it back so i can find my muse again.

i need my muse.

i need my life.

i need my difference.